Indescribable

I originally posted this blog on January 7, 2008 on my myspace blog. I thought I would finally share a little something of the tragedy my family has endured over the last few years.

My cousin, Sara's brother and Mandelyn's uncle (which was also her first word, "Uncle"), and his girlfriend were murdered on January 5th. If you've seen today's paper, that is exactly who I am talking about. My heart is so heavy! Not only was he a great guy, but a FANTASTIC musician! That kid picked up a recorder when he was about 6 and amazed us all. He started out using the music given to him in class, but shortly after could play other songs just by sound. He eventually ventured into guitar and could reproduce a song by sound. He was amazingly talented! Seriously, like beyond words. We had just spent Christmas and New Year's Eve together. His sister hosted Christmas dinner this year and I'm so eternally grateful for that. He got the biggest kick out of Dylan and all his mischief. I have him on video showing off his beautiful tattoo in memory of Mandelyn. For the second time in as little as 19 months, I have had to sit my son down and tell him he lost another cousin. He just starred at me, like what? His response was, "Why is there such evil in the world?" A question I am not capable of answering. He reminded me of the Fast and Furious car that my uncle, aunt, Sara, Cody & Mandelyn got him for his 5th birthday. A lightbulb went over my head. I knew I had pictures of him and Cody with this car. I uploaded them today. When Cameron saw this he smiled, then put his head down. He said he liked Cody better at that age. A statement only a little guy would make. Cody would have been 19 next month. I know I have pictures of Cody at the park from when he was 3...finding those are going to be more problematic, but once I have them, uploaded they'll be. Our (Sara, Cody, and my) aunt's statement of finding out about Cody was, "I didn't know life could be so cruel." It's a fair assessment, if you ask me. I could at least wrap my mind around the passing of Mandelyn. It was an accident. This, this I'm having trouble with, from the depth of my soul. I have faith. Anyone who knows me knows that, but it's been rocked BIG time. This family, my aunt, uncle, Sara and her sister, and the rest of us too, is still coping with the death of that beautiful little girl that wrapped everyone around her little finger from the moment she met you. Now, like salt to a wound, we are forced to come to terms with the unexplainable...their only son and brother, murdered, taken from them deliberately. Our aunt said that "...some could say Mandelyn needed somebody with her, but, why him? Why somebody so young, why not one of the older one's in our family?" As I lay in bed the first night, trying to sleep, I imagined Mandelyn standing there, waiting for Cody in Heaven, and the biggest smile on his face as she greeted him, "Uncle."