A Little Hello

So, we're cleaning. I know, I know...it's Thanksgiving. But, we usually put our Christmas decorations up this weekend and so we start early. I'm cleaning off the desk, as that's my chore because it's my mess. I decide to do a little deeper cleaning and what pops out? PICTURES!!! Pictures I've seen, but not recently, not since...well, anyway, of course they are of Mandelyn. For me, it was like a little hello on yet another holiday without her. And I want to share one with you so badly. It's just the cutest and Dylan instantly was smiling and screaming because he wanted it. It's definitely one I will be putting in his collage frame up in his room. Enjoy!

What I'm Thankful For...

I was over at my best friends last night. Her daughter, Annie, is just months younger than my Cameron. Annie was showing me all the turkey's she and her brother Jeremy made for school projects. Jeremy's family turkey project was camouflaged as Mickey Mouse! SO SERIOUSLY CUTE! So, Annie made a turkey, titled, "What I'm Thankful For" and on each feather she wrote one thing she was thankful for. One feather said mom and dad, another said God, and so on. On the first feather of her turkey, although misspelled, it said Mandelyn. I'm telling you, it warmed my heart and made me teary eyed. It just goes to show you that almost 6 months after Mandelyn has left us for bigger and better places, she's on the mind of all, young and old. I'm thankful for my friendship with Annie's mother and her four great, hilarious, smart, rowdy children. God Bless and have a Happy Thanksgiving.

That Hug

I have told anyone who would listen about the last hug I got from Mandelyn. The boys and I were at Target and it just so happened that Sara and Mandelyn were there too. When Mandelyn looked our way, she ran up to me, arms wide open, and practically knocked me over. That hug was special to me because she hadn't hugged me like that since I was pregnant with Dylan. She hated not being able to jump all over me while I was pregnant. Let's be honest, until Dylan arrived, she hated that I was pregnant. LOL Anyway, I was so happy that she hugged me like that. I picked her up and kissed her. We held on to that hug longer than any other. The next day, when I was at the hospital, all I could think about was that hug. That hug was her goodbye to me and I couldn't be more grateful for that. Here's the thing now. That hug has been recycled. My baby handsome is now running to me, arms wide open, smiling from ear to ear, and giving me Mandelyn's hug. He started this the day before yesterday. The first time he did it, I was like, hey, I love it! He does it to me 10 times a day now and I couldn't be happier. I know it's a part of Mandelyn that is giving me that hug. On a day like tomorrow, I can't think of anything better to be grateful for: my family, the time spent with Mandelyn the night before the accident, the last hug Mandelyn gave me, and now receiving that same hug from Mandelyn's baby handsome!

Far too long...

11:20 last night…I'm sitting in bed, flipping channels, waiting for Mike to come to bed, when out of nowhere, there she is. I can smell her just like it was June 1st. It's a candy smell, one I have smelled before since she's been gone. I started talking to her instantly. I told her, "I love you Mandelyn. I miss you. But, you need to go see your Mommia more than you need to be here with us. Before you leave, see Cameron too. It's been too long since your last visit." Am I crazy? No. Would I have told someone they were crazy if they said these things? Absolutely, if you had asked me before June 2nd of this year. This isn't our first visit. In fact, she came around A LOT in the beginning, and not to just us. Her spirit was so strong in life, why wouldn't it be just as strong in death? How do I know if she saw Cameron last night? I don't even have to ask. He woke up this morning singing, "I like to moob it, moob it." It's actually, "I like to move it, move it" but she couldn't say that. So, they were dancing last night, which totally means the world to me, because those two could break it down! Maybe someday I'll get on here and tell you all the stories of her visits to me, to Cameron, to Dylan, to her cousins in Washington, to her best friend, to her Gaga…you think we're all crazy? I haven't seen her, but then again, I've lost my Peter Pan complex, haven't I? I grew up. I'm just so happy she took time out to check in on us, because as I've said, it's been far too long since her last visit. I know wherever she is right now, she knows I love her, she knows I miss her, and she knows how cherished she is too me.

Mandelyn's Obituary

I am posting Mandelyn's obituary because I realize some of you haven't visted the page her mom has put up. If you get a chance, please do so, otherwise you are missing out on what an amazing little girl she is. Her obituary follows:

Mandelyn Belle Babcock, 2, passed away on June 4, 2006, due to major head injuries sustained in a car accident that occurred on Friday morning. Doctors and nurses at Loma Linda Hospital lovingly cared for her, but it was obvious from early on that Mande had already gone to be with God. She hung on for a few days to say good-bye to the hundreds who visited the hospital.

Mande struggled her way into this life on July 2, 2003, but did not struggle a bit to steal her way into the hearts of all around her. There were no reservations in the life of this beautiful little girl. There was no limit to the love that she gave. Mande had a clear vision of her mission in life, which was to infuse happiness into the lives of all around her. She left no one untouched or unchanged. In the words of many, "she is a 2-year-old inspiration." She was vivacious, energenic and enthusiastic. Mande was passionate about everything she experienced, whether it be playing naked in a mud puddle, devouring endless amounts of fruit, showing off her best "cheese" for her "mommia's" camera, taking never-ending baths with Gaga in her giant tub, doing homework with Papa or showing Grandpa all around the town, and then some. She has left a legacy for us all about how to truly live life. She had a wit and insight unknown to any 2-year-old and made more friends than seems possible in her short life.

She is a strong spirit, who lived every minute of life to its fullest, and will continue to live on in the hearts of so many, until we meet again. We love you, Babes.

Ring Around the Rosie...

So, Friday night. The kids and I went out for the evening while Mike was selling tickets at the football game. First, we went to Grandma's. Around the time we were leaving, she asked Cameron if he ever plays ring around the rosie with Dylan. He put his head down. At first I didn't know what the problem was, then, as if I had been hit in the stomach, it dawned on me. Cameron said softly, "No. I played that with Mandelyn." Instantly I was crying. A flood of memories hit me all at once and I composed myself, as this was not the time or place for Cameron and I to do this. Off to my best friends house we go. I tell her what happened and I'm crying. She has been a rock for me this entire time! If I just want to talk about anything Mandelyn, she ALWAYS listens. So, time to come home now. We get in the van and pull out onto the street and I hear sniffles. I didn't respond at first, then I asked, "Cameron, what's the matter?" Of course, I didn't need to ask, but wanted him to know I was there to talk. He said, "I miss Mandelyn." That's all he said and proceeded to cry himself to sleep in the car. I can see the three of them, Cameron, Mandelyn, and Dylan playing ring around the rosie in my head. I can hear Mandelyn saying, "Baby Handsome fall down." I can see and hear it as if it was happening, although, it never will. I barely made it through Halloween. I have no idea how I'm going to handle Christmas. Even as I type that, who the hell am I to whine about Christmas? How the hell will Sara handle it? How is she handling any of this? By the grace of God, I tell you. In the beginning...oh my God, 5 months ago, it's been 5 months! In the beginning, I swear to you, I saw the Holy Spirit at work through Sara. She was lifted up and handled the most difficult time in her life with such courage and grace. I was, and still am, in complete and utter awe of it. I love and miss Mandelyn more than I could ever express to you through this. I love and miss her mom just as much. I miss Mandelyn following Cameron around. I miss her trying to get her hands on Dylan. I'm just ... emotionally beat. Goodnight.