Summer school, at AAE, began yesterday. We weren't notified that he earned a spot, by someone either not showing up or dropping AAE for Options for Youth, until 3pm. The counselor called and asked that I have Cameron at school by 7:45 to fill out paperwork. As I woke up this morning, at 5:30 am, after having a restless night due to Peyton having a nightmare and sleeping with me, I was one hot Mama. My first thought was what a pain in the arse Cameron is. Summer school (AGAIN) this year. GRRRR! He has just got to step his game up, he starts high school in August and his blasé attitude regarding school just isn't going to cut it. Sure I can harp on him 24/7, but the truth is he needs to do a little growing up. I failed all but 1 class my freshman year of high school and worked my ass off the following 3 years to earn back all of the credits I lost to graduate with my class. HARD. DAMN. WORK. Do I want that for him? No. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.
We walked in the office and it was a ghost town. I went to knock on the counselor's door, but saw he was on the phone and began to step away when he saw me. He told me he'd be right with me as soon as he was done with his phone call. When he called me in Dylan said he knew the counselor because a he is a friend's (in his class) Dad. I took a seat in his office and the counselor went over the schedule and told me that he was going to sit Cameron down to have a serious talk with him about his grades (pretty much backing up my previous statements in the paragraph above). I told him that would be much appreciated, that education is very important in our family, but as I am now a single mother because his Dad died 2 years ago, there was only so much I could do. The counselor, upon hearing about my Beloved, said, "I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of that." I told him my husband was the Special Ed teacher from the high school and the counselor's face dropped, it DROPPED. It was then that I figured out this man knew my husband. He said, "Mike was your husband?" and began to get choked up, sitting down, putting his head in his hands. Needless to say I already had tears in my eyes at his recognition, but to see a man get choked up, I was in tears. I replied, "Yes." The counselor explained that he had worked with Mike for 2 years and they had gone to school together.
As he is talking to me, it dawns on me that Mike had talked about him and I remembered Mike being upset when he was laid off.
Because the counselor had been laid off, he was working up north when the principal from the high school had contacted him about Mike. He said he wanted to make it to the memorial, but just couldn't make it happen. After shedding some tears, going over some of the events, especially the kid's and I rolling up on the scene and Cameron seeing the life saving tactics used on his Dad, images no 11 year old should ever have to witness, the counselor tells me that he's going to keep a close eye on Cameron. He said, "I would have anyway, but now this is personal." Personal. Wow. New tears fell down my cheeks. I thanked him profusely, grabbed the littles, and walked out of the office thinking, 2 years and 5 months later God (with help from Mike, I'm sure) is making sure his family is taken care of.
I seriously needed some fresh air, so I took the littles to the park. I sat there, still raw with emotion, crying. I thought about a man I saw on The View a few weeks ago, Lt. Mark Weber, who wrote a book, Tell My Sons. Although I have not read his book, as I'm not sure emotionally I could, he said something that day that struck a chord with me.
What do you do when life doesn't go the way that you want it too? .... Life's not gonna go the way that you want it to. Realize that sadness is part of the equation. You can't get rid of that. And you don't call what's sad, happy. You look for the happiness that's right next to it. ~ Lt. Mark Weber
A few weeks after Mike died I was talking to a stranger at church, who is now a friend on Facebook, and told her my life is 2 parallel feelings that never, and will never, intersect. One way, let's say traveling from the left, is a sadness like no other. It's heartbreaking (see picture to help drive this point home, I use it as my profile pic on Facebook, although
EVERYONE hates it, when I can't express my feelings), gut wrenching, unbearable, and often sends me to my knees crying out for help from above. The other way, traveling from the right, is a love like no other, the kind that can only come from my Abba Father in heaven, raining down blessings that I can't even begin to process (that still happen to
this very day) making me ABUNDANTLY blessed beyond measure.
Sadly, just eight days after Lt. Mark Weber's episode of The View aired, he lost his fight with intestinal cancer.
Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body. But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up,totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming .... WOW what a ride. ~ Mark Frost
