Blame It on the Alcohol

Let me just start by saying this was not my favorite glee episode. I realize that we must educate the youth of America on the dangers of drinking.

Principal Figgins referring to Ke$ha as Ke-Dollar-Sign-Ha was freakin' hilarious. Seriously, best line of the night.

Finn breaking down the archetypes of drunks to Rachel was on point. Mercedes and Tina being the happy girl drunks had me laughing my butt off. Mercedes laugh was infectious. Finn being a jerk to Rachel was also on point as of late.

Spin the bottle while Josie Cotton's Johnny, Are You Queer of Valley Girl fame was pure nostalgia for me. Blaine kissing Rachel was OUTSTANDING, as was their duet of Don't You Want Me. More nostalgia. I'm such an 80's girl.

Artie saying, "Hair of the dog that done bit your ass." before the New Directions sang Blame It on the Alcohol left me torn. The number glorified teenage drinking rather than warning kids off of it, however, I loved the entire number, song and dance.

Blaine questioning his sexuality after kissing Rachel gave me a little start. I was seriously worried Ryan Murphy was going to tear my heart out and make Blaine straight. I'm not sure I would have survived as I'm still holding out hope for a Klaine union. Thankfully after Rachel kissed Blaine sober, Blaine realized he was 100% gay, which Kurt had no doubt. WOO-HOO!

Mr. Shue and Coach Beiste honky tonking with a drunk Mr. Shue drunk dialing Sue rather than Emma was exactly the type of storyline this episode needed.

The highlight of the episode for me was Mike O'Malley's Burt walking in on Blaine sleeping off his drunken night in Kurt's bed. Have I mentioned lately how I adore Burt Hummel? His relationship with son, Kurt, and step-son Finn, are TV gold. GOLD I say. Burt was absolutely in the right and I think Kurt was completely out of line when his Dad told him he was inappropriate for having Blaine sleepover.

The only saving grace of this whole episode was Brittany projectile vomiting the dangerous alcohol mixture on Rachel during the New Directions performance of Tik Tok, another killer performance that I wanted to hate. Santana followed suit by puking her ever loving guts out on the stage. And Mr. Shue's pledge forms came to the rescue.

I...

feel like I'm dying inside...the pain won't go away. Will my heart ever mend? Will I ever be whole again? I put up a real good front, but the nights are the worse. I miss him so bad it takes my breath away. I can't breathe. Lord help me.

Yesterday

I've often said that the day (that Sunday) before Mike died was perfect, like something out of a movie. We had the most amazing last day together...this song TRULY hits home more to me than any so far. :'(

Yesterday by Leona Lewis

I just can't believe you're gone
Still waiting for morning to come
Wanna see if the sun will rise even without you by my side
When we have so much in store tell me what is it I'm reaching for
When we're through building memories I'll hold yesterday in my heart
In my heart

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we never played
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we would go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday

You always used to say I should be thankful for every day
Heaven knows what the future holds or at least how the story goes
(But I never believed them till now)
I know I'll see you again I'm sure no it's not selfish to ask for more
One more night one more day
One more smile on your face but they can't take yesterday

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we never played
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we would go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday

I thought our days would last forever
(But it wasn't our destiny)
'Cause in my mind we had so much time
But I was so wrong
Now I can believe that I can still find the strength in the moments we made
I'm looking back on yesterday

They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
They can take the music that we never played
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we'll never know
They can take the places that we said we would go
All the broken dreams take everything
Just take it away
But they can never have yesterday

All the broken dreams take everything
But they can never have yesterday

Rain

I'm so looking forward to the rain (forecast is calling for LOTS of it)...I've needed it for 5 weeks. I pray it washes away some of my...misery? Pain? Heartache? I'm not sure what I want it to wash away, but a good cleansing is in order.

Peyton and I glimpsed God's Promise (a rainbow) shining down on us as Casting Crown's Praise You In This Storm played on Air1. I couldn't help but think, "Ya talking to me Lord?" ;)



While driving the kids to school this morning, my precious (11 year old) son bawled the entire way. The only words he spoke, "I miss Dad." How I wish I could take his pain away. :'(

Heaven & Mourning Star

While driving the boys to school this morning Peyton said to me, "My Daddy died Mommy." I responded, "Yes Peyton." Peyton replied, "We need to die like Daddy and go to heaven." My daughter breaks my heart daily. How pure and innocent those words are. Her Daddy is in heaven, of course that is where she would want to be.

We had a meeting at Mourning Star this afternoon, or as Dylan referred to it, Death Star. Wow! What a program they offer there for grieving children. I am in awe of what they do and can't wait for orientation in March. I was disappointed, however, that they don't have a group for Peyton's age. They are hoping in the Fall, but I have no intention of still being here in the Fall. Now I pray for a weekly babysitter, as the boys will alternate weeks, so I'll have to attend once a week EVERY week of the month. ANYTHING for my children. Even if that means sitting in the van with the other 2 kiddos for the 90 minutes the other one needs in session.

SURPRISE

I was dreading today. I am without a Valentine for the first time in 14 years. It breaks my heart because our first Valentine's was a week long scavenger hunt with clues given as the reward to what I had planned. Last year I surprised him with his iPhone, of which I now own. I miss my beloved...

God IS so very good to me. My dear friend, Monica, was born on February 14th. Her wonderful husband planned a surprise lunch with her girlfriends at Red Lobster this afternoon. It was EXACTLY what I needed. I flipped today so easily and focused only on Monica. Peyton had her first girl's day, and LOVED it. The funny thing is that Monica called me at 11 am, while I was surrounded by all us girls, just to tell me that I was on her heart and she was compelled to call. It was hilarious. I was so afraid the surprise would be ruined, but as soon as I said her name, all the chatter stopped and you could have heard a pin drop. HA!


I'm blessed by these beautiful Sisters in Christ! <3

Between Asleep & Awake...

Dylan and Peyton crashed out on the couch at 7:30 tonight. As I picked Peyton up to move her to her bed she began screaming, "I want my Daddy to do it. I want my Daddy." She was between asleep and awake. When I got Peyton to her room she was awake enough to say, "My Daddy's in heaven?" I said, "Yes. I love you. Sweet Dreams." I totally understand her feeling because for a BRIEF moment when I wake up each morning I feel like my life is normal.

One Month

A dear friend told me a little story about Jewish mourning. According to one Rabbi, he said the spouse was supposed to mourn for 30 days and the kids for one year. But also they say that you are supposed to sit shiva (starts the day of the funeral, which is usually held the day after the death) for 7 days, covering all the mirrors in your house.

For further investigation of shiva I went to wikipedia. I was intrigued, and always enjoy reading various religious cultures. What most impressed me was the avoidance of talking about other dead family members. That hit home to me because of the death of my Grandmother just 2 months prior.

My husband died 31 days ago. I'm not done mourning him. I don't believe in a time frame. My children will mourn the death of their father longer than I will mourn the death of my husband. I'm sure of that. I'm older, I've experienced loss, granted, not a loss of this magnitude, but I totally understand that I will wrap my head around my husband's death way before they will.

Silly Love Songs

I had zero intention of jumping on here and writing a glee review tonight, but I have 3 words for you. Warbler's gap attack. Oh yea, it happened and holy hell it rocked. Darren Criss singing a cover of Robin Thicke's When I Get You Alone was exactly what I needed tonight. As much as I love Blaine, I couldn't keep my eyes off of Kurt. Poor Kurt pining away for Blaine, who is singing his heart out to someone who doesn't return his affections. Brilliantly written Ryan Murphy.

Now I have 5 more words for you. "I look like America looks." Lauren Zizes, played by the beautiful Ashley Fink, is a welcome addition to the show. I think I'm going to love the pairing of her with Puck, whose Fat Bottom Girls had me grinning from ear to ear. The throw down in the halls between Zizes and Santana was hilarious. Brava girls.

Finn and Quinn totally deserved to get mono. Finn you are no better than Rachel, allowing Quinn to cheat on Sam with you. And here's a little lesson for you, if she (Quinn) does it with you, she'll do it to you. Mark my words. Grow up and realize that Rachel is the real deal and Quinn is about as fake as they come.

Tina singing breaking down singing My Funny Valentine to Mike was genius. I don't think Tina gets enough screen time or respect, IMHO.

I'm dreading Valentine's Day because for the first time in 13 years I will be without a Valentine. I am desperately trying not to think about it. Thankfully tonight's episode wasn't all hearts and flowers. Thank you glee powers that be.

Packers Win & The Sue Sylvester Shuffle

Last year my Beloved bought a 60" television. SIX-ZERO. He proudly exclaimed, "I'm watching my team on this win at next year's Super Bow!" Fast forward. Hubby's gone. The Green Bay Packers make it to the freakin' Super Bowl. ARE. YOU. FREAKIN'. KIDDING. ME? For the last few weeks I've looked at this monstrosity taking over my living room as an eye sore. Is is possible to hate an inanimate object? Yes. I hate what is stands for. I hate that my husband isn't here to cheer on his Packers.

Today our dear friends, Chris and Amy, along with their 3 boys, came over for an impromptu Super Bowl party. Not just a Super Bowl party, but also, the return of glee after the game. Oh yea baby! Amy  is a fellow gleek. We probably drive her husband nuts with our talks. I digress. Chris was up at the butt crack of dawn smoking pork for pulled pork sandwiches. Jealous yet? Amy shredded the pork, we munched on veggies, chips and homemade dip made from greek yogurt, all the while Chris cleaned up my front yard. A huge blessing, on top of the one the one they were already doing for me by being with me today.

Christina Aguilera completely massacred our National Anthem. Instantly, both Amy and I said they should have had Lea Michele sing it instead. Chris rolled his eyes and went back outside. We ate the most amazing pulled pork sandwiches, topped with homemade coleslaw, for dinner. I know, you're jealous. Green Bay came out with a vengeance the first half. The half time show hasn't been the same since the Janet boob debacle, get over it people. Not to say that The Black Eyed Peas with Usher and Slash wasn't good, they were (with the exception of Fergie singing Sweet Child of Mine...Fergie was worse than Christina), but the half time show just isn't what it use to be. I'll admit, my butt puckered the second half of the game. When the Packers took the win, all I could think about was how Mike missed it. He bought this damn TV for today and he's not even here to enjoy the hell out of it. Cameron chimed in and said, "Mama, you know Dad had the best seat ever, right?" I love that kid.

As you know the interviews, and the likes, take flippin' forever. While we waited for glee to start, Amy and I played a little glee karaoke revolution. Too much fun. I burst out in song (and dance) at the drop of a dime, but that doesn't mean I'm good at it. Singing that is, I can bust a move. Seriously, I can usually sing a line from a song based on something someone says. Cameron hates it because it usually involves some sort of dance move with it. Ha! I also speak fluent movie quotes. Again, I digress.

Making sure the kid's are entertained before the episode starts, Amy and I sit down, engrossed in our favorite guilty pleasure. Let's just say, we were less than enthused by the California Gurls beginning, but beaming as Rachel and Puck sang Need You Now (only made that much more sweeter by Coach Beiste singing along to it). Artie took a lot of slushies, and I mean A LOT! Mercedes, "Hell to the no" is always a classic. I was not happy bringing the football team into glee club, especially after Karofsky ran Kurt off.

Sue's freak out was HIL-AR-I-OUS. Her storyline was a little blah. I felt like it fizzled, but was glad to see her finally get a little payback. Zombie camp ROCKED and let me just say, Thriller mashed up with Head's Will Roll brought the kid's in to the living room, dancing and loving it as much as Amy and I. Thank goodness I don't have to wait for a CD, mash-ups are always singles only. Woot!

The highlight for me, of course, was the Warbler's and Bills, Bills, Bills. I do so love Darren Criss those damned blazers. It is painfully obvious that Chris Colfer's character, Kurt, is completely out of place. When I think of Kurt, I don't see top 40's hits, because he's show tunes. He's romantic, a gentleman (the world needs more of them), and awkward because he's kind of sheltered in a way. Kurt sticks out like a sore thumb from the smoothness of the Dalton boys, and as much as I want a Blaine and Kurt union, the reality is, Kurt belongs at McKinley.

As I sit here tonight, I am once again reminded that despite the immense heartache I feel, I am abundantly blessed by some extraordinary friends. A huge thank you to Chris and Amy for making today a little less painful and to glee for being there to cheer me up when nobody else is.

Hacked

Imagine my horror, and picture my need to vomit, when the chime dings on my computer because an e-mail hits my inbox from my Hubby. :-/ Apparently somebody has hacked his account. :(

Normal?

Diane made a comment last night that she should have stayed until Thursday (after my birthday). And then...her flight got cancelled this morning due to a snow storm in New York. hehehe She put that out in to the universe last night, and Mike said, "Hmmmm...let me see what I can do about that?" LOL

The yearbook teacher, Jessica Payne, at AVHS contacted me for pictures. They are dedicating a page to him in the yearbook. :(


I fell asleep at the kitchen table after eating lunch. I guess I was tired. :-/


I enjoyed watching Cameron play various sound clips from Star Wars on his MacBook and Sara cracking up. :)

Now I am enjoying Pomegranate Margaritas, Cookie Brownies, and a Nicholas Sparks movie marathon with Diane & Sara...pretty awesome start to my 36th birthday.

Is this a normal day? It wouldn't have been a month ago...but I guess it's my normal now.