with Love from God, Jesus & Me

This e-mail has been sitting in my inbox for a little while and I got to it this morning. As I was reading it I began to bawl. I cried so hard I got a migraine. I'm sure I don't have to explain to you why I cried, but I'll just say a couple of things. The little boy in this story had thick curly hair like my Mandelyn. Mandelyn's mommia got to keep the two braids that were shaved from her head. The heart and soul of this little boy reminds me SO MUCH of my Mandelyn. I've seen the strength of the mother in this story in my Mandelyn's mommia. If all those aren't enough, the way the little boy describes going to Heaven is EXACTLY the way I pictured it to be when my Mandelyn went home, except I have always said she got a "Hi-5" from Jesus. (Or, as Dylan says it, "Hi-Pie".) There has also been talk of Mandelyn's mommia adopting a little girl sometime in the future. Finally, my Mandelyn didn't write a note to her mommia, she didn't even visit her for some time after she left, but I figure that is because she was hurting too. No matter how neat a place Heaven is, Mandelyn and her mommia were completely and utterly in love with each other and therefore both hurt too deeply to have that experience too soon. BUT, I will tell you this much (and eventually I will put ALL facts into another blog), my Mandelyn did come back, almost immediately, to a select few those first couple of days, and my boys were two she visited often that weekend. She, like little Jimmy, needed to make sure that ESPECIALLY the little ones knew she was okay and happy there. And now since I'm bawling again, I'm cutting this blog off. I do, however, pray that you take from this EVERYTHING you need to. God bless you.

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?"

The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it."

Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?"

The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. "Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

Sally said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. I said no at first, but Jimmy said, ' Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.' She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult.

It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep. It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say "I Love You". I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?' God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children. Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?"

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me

I almost missed it...

How selfish am I? I woke up this morning thinking 3 weeks until Christmas. This also means 3 weeks until Christmas break, I can sleep in – WOOHOO! Then the fog cleared. I almost missed it. I almost missed the 6 month mark. I've been so busy finishing my Christmas cards, looking for outfits to wear in our Christmas picture, Christmas shopping, and Mike and my anniversary was Saturday. It almost passed me by. I don't want it to pass me by. I WANT to remember that on the 2nd of every month it had been x number of months since Mandelyn was in a car accident and became our angel in heaven. I NEED to remember that on the 4th of every month it had been x number of months since Mandelyn was taken off the ventilator and I sat in the hospital with her grandpa, my dad and the Payless girls questioning why this was happening. Why did it happen to her? Why Mandelyn? Why is she gone? Why did God need her back home? She must be pretty important up there, is all I can think about. For God to call her back to him so soon, she must be one of his favorite angels. Well, unfortunately, she was one of my favorite angels too and that is when I get a little angry, hurt, confused, and question God. I don't ordinarily make it a point to question His will, because His will be done. However, we have reached that 6 month mark without her and for some reason this hurts more than the others. As I said, Christmas is right around the corner, which means our first Christmas without her. We've already had to overcome many firsts without her, starting right off with her birthday. I thought that would be the hardest thing we'd have to do, but I'm not sure now. I use to buy her an ornament every year. This year I bought us one. An angel that reads, "I am with you because you remember me." Isn't that the truth? Who could ever forget you Mandelyn?