Wit's End (Project 365/2010)

Ever been there? At your wit's end? I currently reside there. Now the question remains, do I call my friends in the white coats and be taken away to a MUCH needed vacay in a padded room, or do I FIGHT until my dying breath?

It's no secret we have been dealing with Cameron and his sneaking food. When it first began, I COMPLETELY and SHAMEFULLY admit, I became a wild woman. I became a mother I did not know, screaming, spanking ... Didn't he understand he was killing himself? I changed courses and we did Bible study. I had him read aloud verses about loving yourself, how we are to treat our bodies, obey our parents, and that Satan is the father of lies (I wish I had someone who had done those things for me when I was 9 and 10 years old). We discussed the verses he read, he asked questions, and it helped...for awhile. His endocrinologist talked to him in December. That seemed to help...for awhile. I took everything away from him (no video games, TV, treats) and it didn't work. Now...well, be sure to check out the picture for 365/2010 further down this post.

Monday Cameron calls me with his 10 am number. The nurse gets on the phone and says, "Cameron's teacher wanted me to inform you she caught Cameron eating Nerds in class this morning." WHAT?!?!?

Oh no, wait, it's not the worst part of it. Last night I get a phone call from Cameron's teacher. She said a VERY reliable source told her that Cameron took a donut from a box of donuts on the teacher's desk. AND, here's where the last shoe dropped, he had been stealing food out of a student's lunch, but instead of calling me, she talked to Cameron and it stopped.

Upon learning all of this, and knowing what has happened (here at home) in the last few weeks, I decided to do a little investigating. I knew things had progressed and gotten much worse (i.e. sneaking food, taking insulin on his own to cover it up, and having extreme lows). In fact, he used up an insulin pen (containing 300 units) in just 2 weeks. TWO...T-W-O...2 weeks! We left Disneyland Friday night because his blood sugar was so out of whack, he was PHYSICALLY ill. I began to go through his blood sugar meter and fill in any blank spots in his log (I knew his endocrinologist would ask for them). Yes, well, not only is he sneaking, stealing, AND lying about it, he's also lying about his blood sugar numbers. I was DUMBFOUNDED when I looked in his log, reading the numbers he had been given me (and thus giving him the CORRECT number of insulin units based on said number and food consumed) and read the ACTUAL blood sugar numbers from his meter. For example, last night at dinner, he told me his number was 162 (GREAT!) and he took 6 units of insulin. His blood sugar number was ACTUALLY 502! 5-0-2! At bedtime he told him number was 182 (GREAT!). I instructed him to take 10 units for bed. His number, according to this meter, was 334.

Who is this kid? He's not mine. I don't recognize him. I have said, time and time again, that he came out from my womb INDEPENDENT. And ... I GET IT! Believe me, I GET IT! Tell me at 9 years old (or 35 years old) that I can't eat what I use to, and in order to eat, I have to take a shot. I would be infuriated. I AM infuriated. These words were told to my son! So, it stands to reason, that if I'm that pissed off, what is he? He is the Hulk!

I have spent much of the day on the phone, and Internet, seeking help. First, the school would like to put Cameron on independent study for a few weeks. This works for me. Spring Break is coming, and I could, theoretically, have him home for 5 weeks. In that time, I could do some serious damage to his a1c! Secondly, it would help him and I implement the new carbohydrate eating plan, again, taking down his a1c! Finally, it takes away the need for pulling him out of school for therapy. Oh yes, he IS going to a psychologist.

When I called his endocrinologist this morning, bawling my eyes out, she calmed me and said it was very urgent to get him help. Ya think? She got right on it, and a referral was sent to Cameron's primary doctor. In the meantime, I talked to his school counselor, who spoke to him, and she pointed me in a couple of directions. At last, I spoke to our insurance company, who gave me the names of 2 (ONLY TWO) psychologists in our area that specialize in children with medical conditions. Upon talk to the endocrinologist again, she knew of one and had me call. Now I'm waiting for a call back, but the endo said she'd be pulling strings in the background. She also wants to see him sooner than later. We weren't scheduled for another endo appointment until the end of April. Looks like we'll be going in a couple weeks.

I knew Lent was going to an awakening, but I thought I was going to be the one awakened. HA! Man plans, God laughs. Instead of focusing on myself (that padded room vacay is looking pretty sweet right about now), I'll be diving head first in taking care of Cameron (and Hubby, whose Dr. wasn't happy with him either on Monday). A woman's work is never done (or dull).



This is what someone at their wit's end does. I wish this were a joke, but we have seriously locked up the fridge (and I'm waiting for the pantry locks to arrive). I will do ANYTHING to keep my son from killing himself.