Response to a Response

I woke up this morning to quite a surprise. Before leaving facebook for Lent, I imported my blog to post there, as some were confused on how to find it. I thought, long and hard, about turning off my notifications for comments posted, decided against it, and toughed it out on a couple I REALLY wanted to respond back to. This morning, however, I knew I was done for. At first, I began writing my response in Word, and I was going to break Lent, log into facebook, copy and paste my response, comment and go back out without looking anywhere else. However, as I drove the boys to school this morning, I decided to blog about it instead. :)

I have never met David in real life. He is married to a REAL life friend from high school, Kelli, and I want to take the time right now to THANK HIM completely for his candor, his opinion, and taking his time out to respond to a very personal, very emotional, very raw blog post I posted yesterday.

David Carroll commented on your note "Wit's End (Project 365/2010)":

"The lying thing I can relate too. But at that age I don't think that any of use can really have a grasp on consequences to our health from our actions. The important thing to remember is that he has a completely different perceptive of everything in his life then you do. I can't begin to imagine what it would be like to be him dealing with what he has to deal with and trying to coupe with the issues he has to deal with. It's great that you look to God's word to help explain things but while in doing so remember to use his whole word and not just on perspective or one side of the word. Without the full context God's word can be used as a tool by the Enemy. Why are we obedient to God? why do we serve him, does he want us to come to him through fear or love ? Our sinful nature , sin in general is a hard concept to grasp for many, not excluding adults. God wants us to approached our children with patience and love(1 Corinthians 13:4-7) as he does with us. Don't get me wrong, obviously we are going to discipline(Proverbs 23:13-14) but remember as God disciplines us it is out of love and a good measure to know when we are losing our focus on God is when we begin stray from his path( I as well as every parent in the world I think has sworn or outed out of line at times) . I think that it is awesome that you are trying to talk to him to and explain to him what loving himself means, but I will say that I personally wouldn't(didn't) have gotten any of that and truly understood those concepts until I was a grown man, in fact I would say in the past 10 years. And I know that it is not just his health that is a concern(at least it wouldn't be for me). And maybe I am making a false assumption, but , I am sure that you are taking his behavior personal, maybe feeling like his actions is a measure of how he feels about you and/or the rest of the family in general. The truth is our children(and I am fixing to steal what I heard someone else say) Our children will never love us as much as we love them. If they did, they would never leave the house and pursue their own path.

As a brother in Christ reminded me, as in anything we need to completely surrender to God.

"(1 Corinthians 10:13) - 13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

I will tell you a personal story, I have been dealing with the lying issue myself and was at my last straws. I prayed to God and he spoke to me one night. I had been praying that he open my child's eyes to the truth and I got more then what I expected Back.

He told me that I was to him what my child was to me in relation to obedience. How could I expect obedience when I , myself, was not completely obedient and giving everything to God. Obviously God does not expect me to be perfect, I am a work in progress as are all my brothers and sisters in Christ. I still need to be a parent and teach my children and guide them even if I can't be perfect and even if that makes me a hypocrite sometimes. But what I did get from this is another point of view, another perception.

I love Jesus will all my heart, I want to be everything that God wants me to be. But I am still an adolescent at times, disobedient , doesn't mean that I don't love Him or I don't want to make Him happy.

I was humbled by this answer. I needed to adjust my approach. I needed to work on me just as much as I was working on them. I need to focus on God and focus on
what he wanted me to do instead of letting my anger, hurt , and frustration control the situation. (Like I said, still a work in progress).

As far as a psychologists. I just have to ask, have you sought our counseling from your church or pastor ? To often these days conventional secular mental health professionals want to label children and want to make the issue go away through meds. I think the first answer always is to seek Gods help and to utilize the body.

I had another question, have you tried , instead of taking away from him, substitution. There isn't a young man that I have known who hasn't been a black whole when it comes to food. Maybe instead of just locking the fridge , dish out some cash, buy him is own refrigerator that he is free to go into. Get him involved and allow him to choose from fruit Veggies or whatever he is allowed to eat. Get him to start making his own recipes. Maybe he can take some snacks that he made himself to school. Pre-package snack Packs to the right serving sizes. Come up with a currency system, allow him to earn a reward for his effort, maybe for keeping his log up-to-date.

Anyhow I hope that I didn't get to involved, and God bless you if you read all that. You and your son will be in our prayers." , God Bless you either way :P"

David, I want to thank you so very much for responding to this post. Your response is EXACTLY what I needed to hear from somebody, and didn’t realize it until I opened my email this morning. It was a ray of sunshine in a gloomy moment in my life. And having never met you, I am deeply grateful for you taking your time out, opening yourself up, and giving me your point of view. THANK YOU!

The whole time I was reading your response, I was screaming in my head, “YES!” and “I’ve done that too.” LOL I realize Cameron is 10, and at such a young age, it is hard to grasp the severity of one’s actions. Having said that, Cameron IS an extremely intelligent 10 years old, a point I have come to realize I need to step back from, and let him BE 10 years old. I tend to expect more from him, because of his intelligence, and I admit, it was hard to cut that back where his diabetes is concerned, but I had to. As for reading the Bible, he has daily devotions as well, and we read the ENTIRE verse, and then dissect it. You hit the nail right on the head; anyone can find a verse in the Word and spin it to their advantage. I don’t feel his behavior is personal, but it does hurt me to my core. He is my first born, and the most like me. I will admit, when you wrote that, I had to sit back and consider it, but in my gut, I do not feel it is personal. It IS, however, EXTREMELY personal to him. As he asked me, through tears, last night, “Why do I have to have this disease?” And I believe that question is the basis of all his actions.

Obedience in anyone is hard, ESPECIALLY when it comes to serving our Father in Heaven. We are sinful by nature. I deal with the struggle of obedience and sin EVERY day. I am an adolescent when it comes to my walk with the Lord. I can’t imagine a more loving Father than ours in Heaven, as he deals with all of our adolescent behaviors second by second. LOL I do realize, as I was writing that blog, that people would look at me and say, “How could she possibly be doing him any good as heavy as she is.” And the truth is, I haven’t been as forthcoming about my weight problem, but I have lost almost 40 lbs since August, after structuring my own obedience (and surrendering) to how the Lord wants us to use our bodies. I thought, selfishly I’ll admit, leading by example would help him. If I become healthy, he’ll see how serious it is. I realize now that is not the answer, as he has to WANT to be healthy. And you are correct; his health is not the only concern.

I laughed out loud as I read your “stolen” saying, “Our children will never love us as much as we love them.” Every night, before I kiss Dylan goodnight, he says, “I love you Mama.” And I respond, “I love you more.” He giggles and says, “NO!” And I tell him, “It is IMPOSSIBLE for you to love me more than I love you.” When he tries to say “IMPOSSIBLE” back to me, he squints his eyes because it’s such a big word. I mean it every time I say it and I LOVE how he responds back to me. I also know that truer words have never been spoken. A parent’s love is like none I have ever experienced. And I have only experienced it since having Cameron (a blog for another time).

I realize I made a huge deal of the lying issue with Cameron. My reasoning for that is because I grew up a liar. I was the product of my raising (and the complete and utter disregard for truth in my household). I’m not proud of this fact, but as a Christian woman, I DESPISE liars. I have no tolerance for them, and feel like if you can’t be honest and tell the truth, then don’t talk to me. Because I vowed to do better by my children, Cameron’s lying is an issue of MINE and, this is where I can honestly say, is VERY personal for ME. I do pray about it nightly, and patiently await my answer. I also ask Jesus to touch Cameron’s pancreas and heal it, as well as a cure for Type 1 Diabetes, and again, patiently wait for our Lord’s response. I will continue to do so until I get an answer, or until my dying breath, whichever comes first. :)

As for the psychologist, I believe it is the right thing at this time. I had been praying about it for some time and had gotten my answer last week. I agree with your assessment of Doctor’s labeling and shaking meds at our children as a cure. I am blessed that my Hubby is a Special Education teacher and wouldn’t allow such nonsense. I am doubly blessed by a Pastor at our church. You see, he has 2 Type 1 Diabetic daughters. One is in high school, and the other (was diagnosed a few months after Cameron) is in the same grade, and class, as Cameron. He is the first person I contacted when this took a turn for the worse. I contacted, in order, yesterday, my church, Cameron’s school counselor, Cameron’s primary doctor, Cameron’s endocrinologist, and our insurance. ALL of which suggested a psychologist. The way it was explained to me, was Cameron would be seeking help for coming to term (and dealing) with his illness, which makes complete sense to me. As much as I hoped to find Christian psychologist, finding one licensed to deal with children AND children with illnesses was much more important.

Finally, as for the food issue and the bottomless pit that is a man’s stomach. ;) In the beginning, we had to be strict regarding his food. And, for anyone who knows our family, we were already pretty strict. My weight problem has been a life long struggle. I was not about my kids dealing with the same thing. In fact, when Cameron was diagnosed, he told the nutritionist in the hospital, I’ve never even drank a Coke. She, the nurses, and the doctor’s laughed, thought he was full of it. When we got back to the hospital and were talking nutrition, she relayed what Cameron said and winked at me. I was ASTONISHED. I returned the favor by explaining that my child’s mouth had NEVER touched a soda. I went on to explain that they were telling me my child had a food based disease, which made no sense to me, because he was one of the healthiest eaters I knew. Writing that just now brought tears to my eyes, because it wasn’t until he became a Type 1 Diabetic that his eating habits changed. Grrrrr. Cameron knows there are foods he can eat without taking an additional shot, and the fridge is chalked full of them. His refusal comes from taking additional shots for the crap he puts in his mouth. He has been allowed WHATEVER he likes (within reason – he can’t eat chocolate cake or ice cream on a daily basis), but he MUST take the shot to cover it. That fact is what he is rebelling against right now. And at the heart of it, I GET IT! I wouldn’t want to take a shot EVERY time I ate either. His resentment for having this disease is valid. My prayer is that we can help him accept it, embrace it (which is asking a lot), and become the healthy young man I pictured him to be when I held my firstborn son. In the meantime, I have to tighten the reigns a bit, because his continual high blood sugars are damaging his body. He is already having problems with his feet (and that type of damage is irreversible). I hate changing up my fridge and pantry, but it IS a necessity at this time, to save my son.

David, I have to say, your currency idea is FANTASTIC and I am going to delve into that idea more over this weekend. Thank you again for your response. I pray you read my equally long response. he he he

And for everyone else who took the time out to read this long winded blog post, God Bless!