What I Have Accomplished

Last year I learned of International Widows Day through Soaring Spirits. I wasn't very happy about this, to say the least, because it means there is enough of us to warrant such a day, which completely breaks my heart. However, it also means I'm not alone and that there are others out there dealing with the same emotions I deal with on a day to day basis. On May 20th I saw a post hit my Facebook timeline from Soaring Spirits about this upcoming day. They were looking for stories that told of something widows have accomplished since the death of our Beloved spouses. Here is mine.

I'm late writing this because I was too busy accomplishing my story. You see, everyone told me the first year would be the hardest, but they lied. The first year is a cakewalk because you are so numb you don't feel anything. Now that second year, that one was a doozy. It was the hardest year for me and for my children. As we approached the third year I received a message from God. He told me it was time to go to work. Lord knows I needed the income otherwise the kids and I were going to be living in a van down by the river. I was hired on as a substitute teacher in September. For the first time in 14 years I went to work and I was no longer a stay-at-home-mom. A month later I received another message. God told me to go back to school to finish my teaching credential and Master's degree (I was in the middle of this program when my mother and Beloved husband passed 2 months apart). Whoa! Wait! What?!?! Seriously Lord, is this a joke? I just went back to work. Not a joke and in November I went back to school.

In the last 9 months I've accomplished being a single, working parent who is going to school at night and maintaining a 4.0 GPA. As the last day of school approached I was in shock that I accomplished this, but I didn't do this on my own. No way. I have the most amazing support system. I have friends who bus my children to and from school on days I work, as well as an awesome babysitter who keeps my kids on the nights I'm in class, and let's not forget the peers I've met in class who encourage me and raise me up and who I can call friends. I may be one of the oldest students in class, but I'm there, doing what needs to be done.

I do all of this to be an example to my biggest accomplishments. These three have suffered a loss I'll never truly understand. They were 11, 5, and 3 when their Daddy died. They had a family life that neither of their parents ever grew up with, two dotting parents who love each other, raising them up in the Lord, and breaking the cycle of dysfunction. It's no small feat to carry this on by yourself. We've celebrated birthdays and holidays by ourselves. We've lost a first tooth, started school, graduated kindergarten, began middle school and high school by ourselves. I've taken them on vacations by myself. Heck, I've even taken a vacation and left my children in the care of my Aunt. My Beloved and I never left the kids behind, it was always family time with us. This last year has been the biggest transition of all and yet, I feel as though this is only the beginning of many great things to follow. Not a day will go by that I wish I could share these accomplishments with my Beloved, but as my teenager would put it, "Dad is so proud of you." I know he's smiling down on us and gushing over his family in heaven as he did here on earth.