Parenting a Teen Boy

I never missed having a father growing up because I had my Grandma. She was mother and father rolled into one. She taught me how to keep house, do my laundry, iron my clothes, shave, pitch a baseball, climb a tree, and drive. She would be the first to admit she didn't teach me how to cook, that was self taught. I taught myself how to ride a bike (I had broken blood vessels in my chest for a couple of months to prove it) and how to swim (Grandma was deathly afraid of water). When my monthly friend visited me for the first time at 11 years old she referred me to my egg donor (i.e. the woman who gave birth to me but didn't stick around to be my mother). My uncles were there to teach me how to shoot, and ride a motorcycle. My aunt taught me how to throw a punch a not hurt myself.

I suppose Cameron is lucky that his Mom is a tomboy. I taught him how to ride a bike and to shoot a basketball (because as much as Grandma loved baseball, my sport was always basketball). Much to my Beloved's dismay I taught Cameron to burp and how to play the fart game. I taught him how to tie a tie (courtesy of YouTube) when he asked to wear one of his Dad's for his 6th grade graduation. I will be the one to teach him how to drive. And although I joked about teaching him how to shave his legs, I will be the one teaching him how to shave (I am petrified of this).

I parent differently than I did when it was my Beloved and I. I am Mom and Dad rolled into one. Walking that line is like walking a tightrope. I write this backstory as a precursor for a conversation we had this morning as we walked out of the house for church.

Me: School starts tomorrow. A clean slate. You had better step up your game.
Cameron (in his very annoyed teenager tone): I knoooow.
Me: I mean it Kid. I am gonna be all up in your a ...
Cameron (appalled and laughing): MOM! You will not be up my anus.
Me (laughing): Let me finish! I was going to say aeries (school website to check grades and missing assignments and I'm still laughing).
Cameron (cracking up): I thought you were going to say something else.
Me (serious): If you aren't doing your job then yes I will be up your a ...
Cameron (wicked smile): ANUS!
Me (still serious): Nope. I was gonna say ass. But you get the point. I will be all up in it.
Cameron (trying to be serious): Mom, it is an exit, you can't be in there.
Me (dead pan): Bet me. You need to up your game otherwise I will introduce your ::clears throat:: anus to my size 7 and a half ...
Cameron (mouth gapping open): OH. MY. GOD. MOM!
Me (ROTFLMBO): I was going to say shoe.

We both laughed until we got to church. I thank you not leaving me a comment or message to chastise me for using the word ass. I'm a Christian. Not perfect. :)