I want a do over...

Mandelyn has been gone 4 months now. I have not heard her giggle, or say Cameron's name or call out to "Baby Handsome" in 4 months. I realize she wasn't here for the summer. She didnt' get to play at the water park, we didn't get to go to the outside movies at Victoria Gardens, we didn't even get to play sidewalk chalk or eat ice cream this summer. As fall is upon us, we won't be going to the pumpkin patch together, or even stopping by to take pictures of the kids in their costumes on Halloween (WHICH WILL DEVESTATE ME TO NO END). Furthermore, I have no little girl to buy for this Christmas. And, wouldn't you know it, this year, I have TONS & TONS of ideas for her. There will be no picture of Cameron and Mande infront of my tree this year. And Christmas Eve will be less one beautiful, energenic, vibrant, little girl. Today I find myself back to where I was 4 months ago. I WANT A DO OVER!!! I want to hug her again. I want to hear her giggle. I WANT TO SEE HER PLAYING WITH CAMERON!!! I want that so badly. I want her to see what Dylan is doing now. They could have danced together, or sang as Boots and Dora, "We did it!" or heard him say "Backpack" today. I WANT A DO OVER!!! I just want a do over...