Yahrzeit

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of Mike's sudden death. If you had asked me this time last year where I would be today, I would have responded, with him. I never saw light at the end of the tunnel. I always looked at my glass as half empty. Yet, here I am, walking, talking, and breathing. Taking each day hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute and second by second. I wake up each morning and put one foot infront of the other, moving forward.

I have often said that my TLBS girls have kept me alive this last year. There is more truth in that statement than anyone realizes. With all the friends that have left after my Beloved's death, they sure have filled that void. My cup runneth over.

They threw a Loving Out Loud gathering for me today. We all met at Leanne's house, where she made delicious eggs benedict. We talked, laughed, and cried together. Most of the crying came after we watched the beautiful memorial slideshow that Marlena made. I haven't watched it but a handful of times, but the last 2 pictures ALWAYS get me. I asked Marlena to end it that way, but the finality of seeing them come up (our 10 year anniversary and The Johnson 5 on Christmas Eve before church) tear me up.

My Jesus Sista's, as I affectionately call them, gave me a memorial candle, known as Yahrzeit. I lit it at 4:57 tonight, sundown, and it will remain lit until sundown tomorrow. I read Psalm 121, which is near and dear to my heart, right after I lit the candle, and talked to my husband for a few minutes.

Words will never express the immense loss I feel for my Beloved, my best friend, but knowing I have God, champion of widows, my children, and my Jesus Sista's makes life worth living for.