The Heart of New Directions

Where do I start? How do I begin? Do I just come out and say it? I can't even believe I'm going to type this. Cory Monteith, affectionately known to gleeks around the world as Finn Hudson, is dead. I won't presume to the have the answers. I don't care why he's gone. I just know that he is.

As I was winding down for the night, hitting up my Facebook, twitter and tumblr before bed, two things happened simultaneously. My twitter feed showed a single word post from Mark Salling, Puck, "no" and my favorite 2 tumblr's posted vague posts about Cory. I fired up my search and typed in Cory Monteith. I was unprepared as I clicked the link of the first story and proceeded to watch the police livestream reporting Cory's death. I sat in front of my laptop stunned. I had to watch it a second time because I was sure I heard it wrong. When the Chief said Cory's name again followed by the popular TV series glee I was full on bawling. I went back to Mark's twitter and his post had been taken down, but it left a lasting impression on my heart these last few hours. No. No Cory isn't dead. No Cory's family isn't reeling from the news of a son and a brother gone too soon. No the glee family isn't mourning the loss of their heart. No Lea's heart is not shattering right now.

My sincerest condolences to Cory's family. A bright light has been turned out tonight and please know that you are not mourning the loss of his light alone.

I see things very differently than most people. My heartache, my tears, the pit in my stomach is not just because of my love for all things glee. My already broken heart is splintering for a woman I've never met, but whose grief I know all too well. A woman is grieving the loss of her own Beloved and take it from me when I say, I'm all too familiar with the pain that beautiful girl is suffering at this moment. I have been praying, fervently, for Lea tonight. I've been asking God to surround her with love. I ask God to comfort her, but know that that prayer will not be answered tonight because she will not find comfort in knowing she will never kiss, never hug, never cuddle with her Beloved again.

The glee family has begun to tweet, and quite honestly I'm not prepared for Ryan Murphy, or Matthew Morrison, or Jane Lynch, or any of the Original New Directions (Chris Colfer, Amber Riley, Jenna Ushkowitz or Kevin McHale) words just yet. Mark's said it all. I'll never be prepared for Lea's tweet, ever. Where does glee go from here? I do not envy Ryan Murphy. I suppose they could cancel glee, but I doubt Cory would want that. The gleeks are going to want closure too. The cast was scheduled to begin shooting next week, July 22nd, but that timeframe will have to be pushed back. This close knit family has to be allowed time to grieve. Obviously there will need to be rewrites. Do they kill Finn too, off screen? Yes, they should, but even as I write this, I can't imagine putting Lea, Chris, Mike O'Malley or Romy Rosemont through that, let alone the rest of the cast and crew. Perhaps a time jump is in order. I believe the healing will begin from moving forward.

We were given hope when Finn, the cool, hot quarterback, joined the New Directions, making us fall head over heels in love with this group of freaks. I fell in love all over again with Finn when he took over the glee club in Mr. Shue's absence this last season. He had blossomed from the naive boy to a man before our very eyes. Finn was a true leader, the glue that held the New Directions together. There is something poetic in that Cory's first and last glee numbers were Don't Stop Believing. Many lost an idol today, and I'm truly envious of those who are blissfully asleep, unaware that the glee world has been rocked to it's very core.

You are singing and drumming for Jesus now Cory. Our loss is definitely heaven's gain. You are no longer in pain and we will attempt to find comfort in that knowledge. Watch over your family, dear one, as well as your extended glee family. Send Lea all the love and support you can, knowing God weeps with her tonight as she mourns the loss of you, her Beloved. Fly with the angels Cory. Although you have left us too soon, you will never be forgotten.

I've said it before, tell the people around you that you love them, hug them, express your feelings, because you never know when it is going to be too late. God Bless.

Yes/No

Any glee episode that starts with a Grease song is going to be a good one in my book. Sam and Mercedes sang Summer Nights. I have to give props to Mercedes for being true to her man, despite having feelings for Sam.

My favorite glee moments have always been Mash-Ups and Moves Like Jagger/Jumpin' Jack Flash did not disappoint. It is always a joy to watch Harry Shum, Jr and Matthew Morrison dance. The only drawback is Kevin McHale stuck in that damn wheelchair, but somehow, he makes it look effortless.

Helen Mirren played the mental voice of Becky Jackson and I couldn't stop grinning. Honestly, how does Ryan Murphy do it? Becky is such a special part of the glee ensemble and I adore her mini-Sue Sylvester character.

Emma singing Wedding Bell Blues with Coaches Beiste (who is now a married woman!) and Sylvester as backups and bridesmaids (complete with hideous replicas of Princess's Beatrice and Eugenie's hats) to Will was A-DOR-A-BLE! Emma's parents continue to be horrible people. Ugh!

Will's proposal to Emma was definitely a highlight. I loved the retro bathing suits, the synchronized swimming and Rihanna's We Found Love was swoon worthy. I've already said I want a glee wedding, but how about a glee proposal too? A woman can only dream can't she?

Personally I think Finn was the star of this episode. He tells Mr. Shue that he wants to do something special with his life, "Like my dad without the whole dying part." Mr. Shue brings in Carol and Burt to discuss Finn enlisting into the Army. Mike O'Malley's portrayal of Burt is one of my all-time favorite TV Dads. I know I've raved about him before, but when the Hummel/Hudson family came together, they really did become a family. Burt tells Finn he hopes his son will take over his [mechanic] shop. Carol breaks down and admits to Finn that something happened to his dad in Iraq and he came back a broken man. He developed a drug problem and died of an overdose in a hotel room. I'm really pissed at Carol for lying to Finn for 17 years about how his dad died, claiming he was a war hero. Finn is understandably devastated. Rachel wants Finn to know that he already is special and sings a ballad version of David Guetta's (featuring Usher) song Without You. It was truly breathtaking. It is probably my favorite Rachel song to date. I was speechless when Finn dropped to his knee and proposed to Rachel.

Sexy

Everything that I felt the episode Blame It on the Alcohol lacked, this episode had.

Gwyneth Paltrow is back at Holly Holiday. She clues Mr. Shue into the lack of sex education of the New Directions. Finn thought he got his girlfriend pregnant by via hot tub and Brittany thinks storks bring babies. My favorite performance was Paltrow's version of Joan Jett's Do You Wanna Touch Me brilliantly ended with Ms. Holliday's advice, "So just remember whenever you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with. And everybody's got a random."

Whereas Blaine exudes sex appeal, poor Kurt is just pure and adorable, which is what makes this couple compliment each other so well. As Blaine tries to talk to Kurt about sex, Kurt closes himself off to the topic, "I like romance. That's why I like Broadway musicals because the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets." Blaine going to Burt on behalf of Kurt and his lack of sex education was above and beyond and his plea was exactly what Kurt needed. Extra point in Blaine's favor (like he needs any more). Another perfect father/son moment in the Hummel household came when Burt told Kurt "This is going to suck for both of us" as he sits Kurt down for the talk.

I hope I have an ounce of the knowledge, the right words Burt had for his son when I sit down to give my son's the talk. DAMN YOU MIKE FOR LEAVING ME TO DO THIS!

Blame It on the Alcohol

Let me just start by saying this was not my favorite glee episode. I realize that we must educate the youth of America on the dangers of drinking.

Principal Figgins referring to Ke$ha as Ke-Dollar-Sign-Ha was freakin' hilarious. Seriously, best line of the night.

Finn breaking down the archetypes of drunks to Rachel was on point. Mercedes and Tina being the happy girl drunks had me laughing my butt off. Mercedes laugh was infectious. Finn being a jerk to Rachel was also on point as of late.

Spin the bottle while Josie Cotton's Johnny, Are You Queer of Valley Girl fame was pure nostalgia for me. Blaine kissing Rachel was OUTSTANDING, as was their duet of Don't You Want Me. More nostalgia. I'm such an 80's girl.

Artie saying, "Hair of the dog that done bit your ass." before the New Directions sang Blame It on the Alcohol left me torn. The number glorified teenage drinking rather than warning kids off of it, however, I loved the entire number, song and dance.

Blaine questioning his sexuality after kissing Rachel gave me a little start. I was seriously worried Ryan Murphy was going to tear my heart out and make Blaine straight. I'm not sure I would have survived as I'm still holding out hope for a Klaine union. Thankfully after Rachel kissed Blaine sober, Blaine realized he was 100% gay, which Kurt had no doubt. WOO-HOO!

Mr. Shue and Coach Beiste honky tonking with a drunk Mr. Shue drunk dialing Sue rather than Emma was exactly the type of storyline this episode needed.

The highlight of the episode for me was Mike O'Malley's Burt walking in on Blaine sleeping off his drunken night in Kurt's bed. Have I mentioned lately how I adore Burt Hummel? His relationship with son, Kurt, and step-son Finn, are TV gold. GOLD I say. Burt was absolutely in the right and I think Kurt was completely out of line when his Dad told him he was inappropriate for having Blaine sleepover.

The only saving grace of this whole episode was Brittany projectile vomiting the dangerous alcohol mixture on Rachel during the New Directions performance of Tik Tok, another killer performance that I wanted to hate. Santana followed suit by puking her ever loving guts out on the stage. And Mr. Shue's pledge forms came to the rescue.

Furt

I want a glee wedding! Alright, so it's a little late for that, but seriously, can I just say how absolutely thrilled I am for Burt and Carol? I realize you all must think I'm a little overzealous with my love for this show and that I write about it as if they were real. What you don't understand is that for an hour every week I get to lose myself, sit back and enjoy an awesome ride with kick ass tunes. Would you prefer I write about CSI and tell you all the things they are doing wrong? (My first degree is in Criminal Justice with Forensic Science as a major) I didn't think so.

Kurt giving Burt and Finn a dancing lesson was terribly cute. I can't wait to see the dynamic of this new family. Burt going after Karofsky is just one of the many reasons I adore Mike O'Malley and his character. Burt and Kurt's father/son relationship is what true television magic is made of. The New Directions singing Marry You as they walk down the aisle was phenomenal. I had the biggest grin on my face the entire number. Burt and Carol's heartfelt speeches had me reaching for more than one tissue. I actually stood up and applauded when they kissed.

I sure hope Finn gets over his image/ego and truly embraces everything Kurt is attempting to teach him. Life is already hard enough, and believe me, these 2 know it. Furt having each other's back is what family is all about. Let me just state, Finn serenading Kurt with Bruno Mars Just the Way You Are was the cherry on top of this delicious episode. I ask you, how freakin' adorable is Chris Colfer?!?!

Carol Burnett is a legend and her duet of Ohio with Sue Sylvester's was outstanding. Dammit I miss the Carol Burnett show. I think I'll jump on Amazon and hook myself up.

I want Karofsky to get a taste of his own medicine. GAH! As devastated as I am that Kurt is leaving McKinley and the New Directions, I get a little giddy about what this means for him and Blaine. More Dalton Warblers and their incredible a cappella melodies please.

One last thing...allow me a moment to {{{SQUEE}}} at the inside of Kurt's locker with a beautiful picture of Darren Criss Blaine and the cutout letters spelling out courage.

Grilled Cheesus

I am all twisted up over tonight's episode of glee. Chris Colfer IS glee. There, I've said it. I'm glad we got that out of the way. I am in awe over this episode. Kurt's dad, Burt, has a heart attack. I can't imagine what it would feel like for a kid who has already lost one parent to have to endure the crisis of possibly losing the only parent they have left. Couple that with Kurt's atheism and I was devastated for this character.

"I don't believe in God. You've all professed your beliefs, I'm  just stating mine. I think God is kind of like Santa Claus for adults. Otherwise, God is kind of a jerk, isn't he? I mean, he makes me gay and then he has his followers going around telling me it's something that I chose. As if someone would choose to be mocked every single day of their life. And right now I don't want a heavenly father, I want my real one back." ~ Kurt Hummel

Jesus was mocked every day of his 33 years on earth. The Roman's placed King of Jews on the cross above his head taunting his claim. I came to Christ in 1995. I was in the middle of the absolute worst decision I have ever made. Growing up in a family who never went to church, a family where sin was as second nature as breathing, my budding relationship with Jesus was refreshing. I admit I've stumbled along the way. In fact, I've hit damn speed bumps, but His mercy is made new every single morning I wake up. It wasn't until the death of my niece, Mandelyn, that I realized just how strong my faith was. I can't imagine how a person who doesn't believe in God deals with a tragedy. Where do they put their hope?

My ex is an atheist and I asked him one time, "Do you believe your Dad just seized to exist when he died?" He simply responded, "Yes." I refuse to believe that when Mandelyn died she just disappeared. My beautiful niece, all of 2 years old, didn't just seize to exist. I can't, I won't accept that. I want her to greet me when I make it to heaven.

I have been told many of times that my views on homosexuality doesn't fall in line with God, Jesus or the Word. You're right. I believe in equality for everyone. I believe Jesus told me to love everyone as I love myself. I believe that I am not the ultimate judge, He is, and therefore I will not persecute someone based on their sexuality.

"If Jack is gay, he doesn't need your judgement, young man. The Lord above will be the one to judge him as he will judge all of us. What he needs from you and me and everyone else in this world is love and tolerance. If anything, that boy must feel scared and alone and it will take the understanding of his fellow man to help him through. Let's save judgment for someone much more experienced than you." ~ Evelyn 'Grams" Ryan from Dawson's Creek

This quote has stayed with me all these years and I truly live my life by it. Kurt's feelings are genuine and he even balked at his friend's attempts to comfort him by praying over him and his father. What really broke my heart, and lit a fire in it at the same time, was Kurt singing The Beatles classic I Want to Hold Your Hand, in honor of his Dad, complete with the flashbacks of Burt raising him on his own. This song is near and dear to me because it's the song I sing to Peyton. I could almost picture her in Kurt's place, singing the song to me, and it was a little too close to home, if you know what I mean.

I think a most beautiful moment was when Sue admitted that her big sister was her hero, perfect in her eyes, and how hard she prayed for Jean to be healed of Down Syndrome because the world was so cruel to her. Coach Sylvester said no one (God) was listening. In reality we know that God hears every prayer, but that sometimes the answer is no. I'm the first to admit that hearing no is hard to accept. I pray every night for Cameron to be healed of his Type 1 Diabetes, and I will pray that prayer until my dying day. Jean says, "God never makes mistakes." and you know what, she is absolutely right.

I applaud Brad Falchuk for a brilliantly written episode and giving me another reason to defend my love of this show.

Laryngitis

I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so. Kurt setting up Burt and Carol for the wrong reasons backfired. He was not prepared to share his Dad with another son. What a hard lesson to learn. Kurt dressing like Burt, keeping his voice in a lower range, singing John Mellencamp, and making out with Brittany was excruciating to watch. Let's just say that it was worth it when he belted out Rose's Turn. Times like that remind me to tell my Grandma what an awesome childhood I had. I grew up with Natalie Wood in Gypsy and tonight I was giddily clapping the entire scene Kurt sang. I even rewound it once three times. "Everything's coming up Kurt!" I swear to you the powers that be (::cough:: Ryan Murphy ::cough::) better give Kurt a spin-off or something rather than making him leave when he graduates. And just in case I need to say it again, I adore Burt and Kurt's relationship! Mike O'Malley ROCKS!

Finn letting lose with Rick Springfield's 80's hit Jessie's Girl was also a huge highlight for me tonight. Dare I say it, another glee rendition I prefer over the original. What is happening to me?!?! But when Finn stood up to Rachel when she was melodramatic about how she is her voice and taking her to meet Sean...finally a side of Finn worthy of Rachel.

Mercedes telling Puck that she started dating him because he has great arms made me smile. I completely understand girl. Arms, they're my kryptonite too.

Home

I'm just going to put it out there, I adore Burt and Carol dating, although I don't agree with the reason behind Kurt pushing them together (i.e. his infatuation with Finn). I think there is a storyline to be told. Burt and Carol both lost spouses, raising Kurt and Finn, who both lost a parent, on their own. What a beautiful ending that would be to such an unimaginable heartache.