Still Taking Care of His Family

Summer school, at AAE, began yesterday. We weren't notified that he earned a spot, by someone either not showing up or dropping AAE for Options for Youth, until 3pm. The counselor called and asked that I have Cameron at school by 7:45 to fill out paperwork. As I woke up this morning, at 5:30 am, after having a restless night due to Peyton having a nightmare and sleeping with me, I was one hot Mama. My first thought was what a pain in the arse Cameron is. Summer school (AGAIN) this year. GRRRR! He has just got to step his game up, he starts high school in August and his blasé attitude regarding school just isn't going to cut it. Sure I can harp on him 24/7, but the truth is he needs to do a little growing up. I failed all but 1 class my freshman year of high school and worked my ass off the following 3 years to earn back all of the credits I lost to graduate with my class. HARD. DAMN. WORK. Do I want that for him? No. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink.

We walked in the office and it was a ghost town. I went to knock on the counselor's door, but saw he was on the phone and began to step away when he saw me. He told me he'd be right with me as soon as he was done with his phone call. When he called me in Dylan said he knew the counselor because a he is a friend's (in his class) Dad. I took a seat in his office and the counselor went over the schedule and told me that he was going to sit Cameron down to have a serious talk with him about his grades (pretty much backing up my previous statements in the paragraph above). I told him that would be much appreciated, that education is very important in our family, but as I am now a single mother because his Dad died 2 years ago, there was only so much I could do. The counselor, upon hearing about my Beloved, said, "I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of that." I told him my husband was the Special Ed teacher from the high school and the counselor's face dropped, it DROPPED. It was then that I figured out this man knew my husband. He said, "Mike was your husband?" and began to get choked up, sitting down, putting his head in his hands. Needless to say I already had tears in my eyes at his recognition, but to see a man get choked up, I was in tears. I replied, "Yes." The counselor explained that he had worked with Mike for 2 years and they had gone to school together.

As he is talking to me, it dawns on me that Mike had talked about him and I remembered Mike being upset when he was laid off. Because the counselor had been laid off, he was working up north when the principal from the high school had contacted him about Mike. He said he wanted to make it to the memorial, but just couldn't make it happen. After shedding some tears, going over some of the events, especially the kid's and I rolling up on the scene and Cameron seeing the life saving tactics used on his Dad, images no 11 year old should ever have to witness, the counselor tells me that he's going to keep a close eye on Cameron. He said, "I would have anyway, but now this is personal." Personal. Wow. New tears fell down my cheeks. I thanked him profusely, grabbed the littles, and walked out of the office thinking, 2 years and 5 months later God (with help from Mike, I'm sure) is making sure his family is taken care of.

I seriously needed some fresh air, so I took the littles to the park. I sat there, still raw with emotion, crying. I thought about a man I saw on The View a few weeks ago, Lt. Mark Weber, who wrote a book, Tell My Sons. Although I have not read his book, as I'm not sure emotionally I could, he said something that day that struck a chord with me.

What do you do when life doesn't go the way that you want it too? .... Life's not gonna go the way that you want it to. Realize that sadness is part of the equation. You can't get rid of that. And you don't call what's sad, happy. You look for the happiness that's right next to it. ~ Lt. Mark Weber 

A few weeks after Mike died I was talking to a stranger at church, who is now a friend on Facebook, and told her my life is 2 parallel feelings that never, and will never, intersect. One way, let's say traveling from the left, is a sadness like no other. It's heartbreaking (see picture to help drive this point home, I use it as my profile pic on Facebook, although EVERYONE hates it, when I can't express my feelings), gut wrenching, unbearable, and often sends me to my knees crying out for help from above. The other way, traveling from the right, is a love like no other, the kind that can only come from my Abba Father in heaven, raining down blessings that I can't even begin to process (that still happen to this very day) making me ABUNDANTLY blessed beyond measure.

Sadly, just eight days after Lt. Mark Weber's episode of The View aired, he lost his fight with intestinal cancer. 

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body. But rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up,totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming .... WOW what a ride. ~ Mark Frost

Basket of Blessings

I know I have mentioned over the last 15 months just how abundantly blessed I am, but I truly am! This afternoon a basket of blessings was delivered (anonymously) to my house. Words will never express the gratitude I feel for the outpouring of love shown to my children and myself this last year.

HDC - Apple Valley Campus

I am truly blessed. I have an AMAZING church home. I have been attending High Desert Church (HDC) since November 1995. I was saved there, and baptized there in March 1996. Mande's memorial was held there. My (Grand)Mother's memorial was also held there, and just 2 months later, we honored my Beloved husband there.

Two years ago, HDC launched their first satellite campus in Apple Valley. And just last year, they launched their second in Phelan.

With the gas prices up, ours was $4.31 on Friday, I knew I was going to need to adjust my traveling plans accordingly. I am at HDC 4 times a week. I attend Tuesday for TLBS and Thursday for SMILES. I then go back Thursday afternoon for Dylan's Sonshine Choir practice, and finally Sunday morning for church service. My 4 trips to Victorville, plus the bussing of Cameron and Dylan to and from school every day, leaves my already drained finances at a dangerous level every time I have to put gas in the Mama Mobile. My budget for gas has increased by $27 a week. Something has to give.

As much as I adore walking in to church every Sunday morning, I knew I was going to have to give it up, at least partly, until the end of the choir year. On weekends where Dylan doesn't lead choir, we will be attending in Apple Valley.

Today was our first time at HDC's Apple Valley Campus. Did I mention it's 3 minutes from my house? Apprehensive, as I despise change, we walked in, having no clue where to go. Fortunately, one of Peyton's favorite teachers, happened to be there (she was on stage this morning), threw her arms open for Peyton and showed us the ropes. We checked in, took Peyton to her class, took Dylan to his class, and the cherry on top of our morning is Evan, junior high pastor, who has been a mentor to Cameron since Mike died, is in charge of the junior high group at AV. Cameron was beaming!

My TLBS leader's daughter was working in Peyton's class, and a dear friend's son, who Evan also mentored after the death of his father, helps Evan and the junior high group. As we were leaving, Cameron's 5th grade teacher was standing in front of church, and upon seeing Cameron, began to dote over how big he's gotten, asking how Cameron was doing, and about his health in regards to his diabetes. I love how God always knows what we need. We left church, smiling from ear to ear, and the kids can't wait to go back.

Peyton Goes to the Dentist

All 3 kids were scheduled to see their dentist in February. Since we lost our insurance January 31 because Mike died, I had to cancel the appointments. It was to be Peyton's first visit. I called the boys' dentist, Dr. Bell, and explained what happened. I was told that he would not accept medical, which REALLY bummed me out. I called back last month just to make sure before searching out a new dentist.

Because the boys were already established patients, we had been with him since 2004, Dr. would keep us on under medical. He doesn't accept NEW patients with medical. Whew! When I asked about Peyton, the nurse said I would have to discuss that with him when the boys saw him. Yesterday I took the boys in. I was already coming off of a bad night, a REALLY bad one, so my emotions were ON the surface. I had to make sure all the boy's info was still correct. UGH! Of course it wasn't. Insurance changed, Mama's relationship status changed, I had to mark deceased next to Dad's info...I was a MESS. The woman asked me, "You aren't the one who lost her camera at Red Robin, are you?" I was taken aback and said I was. "I heard them talking about it on the radio. I told her the story. Finally she asked me, "Could you sign and date here to verify the changes?" I began bawling. There was Mike's signature and I hadn't seen it in almost 9 months.

While Dr. Bell examined Cameron we talked about faith, what God has planned, etc. He told me that because the boys are already part of the Bell family, Peyton is too, and he would love to see her. I was relieved. When I was setting up the next appointment for the boys, they told me they could see Peyton today. Done.

We got up this morning and did it all over again. This time I filled out new paperwork for Peyton, which didn't seem as bad as scratching out my old life yesterday. I also wasn't a blubbering basket case today.

I was a little perturbed about not having a camera to commemorate Peyton's first dentist visit, like I have with the boys. My iPhone had to do the job for me. GRRRRR!

Peyton played Star Wars while the hygienist cleaned her teeth. She did such a wonderful job. I had been concerned about some spots on her teeth, and fortunately, NO CAVITIES! They were iron stains from her kid's vitamin. (Dylan is the only one who has ever had a cavity, it was the beginning of one, so I am very blessed.)

As Dr. Bell went to his next patient, he said, "Don't forget what I told you yesterday Tiffany." The hygienist looked at me. Cameron looked at me. I told him I wouldn't. Before we left yesterday, Dr. Bell pulled me aside and told me, "If you need anything, please call my office and leave a message with one of my girls. You are part of our family and we're going to help take care of you."

Have I mentioned lately how abundantly blessed I am?