Yes/No

Any glee episode that starts with a Grease song is going to be a good one in my book. Sam and Mercedes sang Summer Nights. I have to give props to Mercedes for being true to her man, despite having feelings for Sam.

My favorite glee moments have always been Mash-Ups and Moves Like Jagger/Jumpin' Jack Flash did not disappoint. It is always a joy to watch Harry Shum, Jr and Matthew Morrison dance. The only drawback is Kevin McHale stuck in that damn wheelchair, but somehow, he makes it look effortless.

Helen Mirren played the mental voice of Becky Jackson and I couldn't stop grinning. Honestly, how does Ryan Murphy do it? Becky is such a special part of the glee ensemble and I adore her mini-Sue Sylvester character.

Emma singing Wedding Bell Blues with Coaches Beiste (who is now a married woman!) and Sylvester as backups and bridesmaids (complete with hideous replicas of Princess's Beatrice and Eugenie's hats) to Will was A-DOR-A-BLE! Emma's parents continue to be horrible people. Ugh!

Will's proposal to Emma was definitely a highlight. I loved the retro bathing suits, the synchronized swimming and Rihanna's We Found Love was swoon worthy. I've already said I want a glee wedding, but how about a glee proposal too? A woman can only dream can't she?

Personally I think Finn was the star of this episode. He tells Mr. Shue that he wants to do something special with his life, "Like my dad without the whole dying part." Mr. Shue brings in Carol and Burt to discuss Finn enlisting into the Army. Mike O'Malley's portrayal of Burt is one of my all-time favorite TV Dads. I know I've raved about him before, but when the Hummel/Hudson family came together, they really did become a family. Burt tells Finn he hopes his son will take over his [mechanic] shop. Carol breaks down and admits to Finn that something happened to his dad in Iraq and he came back a broken man. He developed a drug problem and died of an overdose in a hotel room. I'm really pissed at Carol for lying to Finn for 17 years about how his dad died, claiming he was a war hero. Finn is understandably devastated. Rachel wants Finn to know that he already is special and sings a ballad version of David Guetta's (featuring Usher) song Without You. It was truly breathtaking. It is probably my favorite Rachel song to date. I was speechless when Finn dropped to his knee and proposed to Rachel.

Yahrzeit

Today marks the 1 year anniversary of Mike's sudden death. If you had asked me this time last year where I would be today, I would have responded, with him. I never saw light at the end of the tunnel. I always looked at my glass as half empty. Yet, here I am, walking, talking, and breathing. Taking each day hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute and second by second. I wake up each morning and put one foot infront of the other, moving forward.

I have often said that my TLBS girls have kept me alive this last year. There is more truth in that statement than anyone realizes. With all the friends that have left after my Beloved's death, they sure have filled that void. My cup runneth over.

They threw a Loving Out Loud gathering for me today. We all met at Leanne's house, where she made delicious eggs benedict. We talked, laughed, and cried together. Most of the crying came after we watched the beautiful memorial slideshow that Marlena made. I haven't watched it but a handful of times, but the last 2 pictures ALWAYS get me. I asked Marlena to end it that way, but the finality of seeing them come up (our 10 year anniversary and The Johnson 5 on Christmas Eve before church) tear me up.

My Jesus Sista's, as I affectionately call them, gave me a memorial candle, known as Yahrzeit. I lit it at 4:57 tonight, sundown, and it will remain lit until sundown tomorrow. I read Psalm 121, which is near and dear to my heart, right after I lit the candle, and talked to my husband for a few minutes.

Words will never express the immense loss I feel for my Beloved, my best friend, but knowing I have God, champion of widows, my children, and my Jesus Sista's makes life worth living for.

Fall Into Reading 2011 Wrap-Up

Alas, my favorite season is coming to an end. I know I say this every year, but I wish I lived someplace where I could experience a true Fall. The high desert has more summer than fall weather, and then we smack into winter.

I have lacked in the reading department since the untimely death of my beloved husband. Therefore, I'm ecstatic that I sat down and actually read, albeit, not all the books I planned, but a few I really wanted to.

My favorite read was The Best of Me by Nicholas Sparks. I am a sucker for a great love story. This one tugged at my heart strings because of the teenage love point of view. You know what I mean, the boy who first stole your heart. There will always be a soft spot for mine.

I also really enjoyed True Believer and it's sequel, At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks. I sure wish the friend who suggested them had taken into consideration my emotional state. A captivating, brilliant love story, which had me completely devastated at the end. I highly recommend them. I think maybe I should have waited a little while longer before diving into them.

I have had Afterlife by Claudia Gray sitting in my nook since released in March (pre-purchased it last year). A quick read, but wonderful conclusion to the Evernight Series. Of course the series is geared toward the young adult audience, but you know me...I love a great vampire story.

Having said that brings me to my final read. A friend has been on me about to start this new vampire series. I finally gave in and read the first book, A Hunger Like No Other by Kresley Cole. Wow! I was expecting it, but it turns out it is vampire erotica. Needless to say, her writing is flawless, with story lines built in to story lines, the Immortals After Dark series is something I definitely could sink my teeth into.

Thank you again to Katrina at Callapidder Days for hosting Fall Into Reading. I'll see you again in the Spring.

Peyton Goes to the Dentist

All 3 kids were scheduled to see their dentist in February. Since we lost our insurance January 31 because Mike died, I had to cancel the appointments. It was to be Peyton's first visit. I called the boys' dentist, Dr. Bell, and explained what happened. I was told that he would not accept medical, which REALLY bummed me out. I called back last month just to make sure before searching out a new dentist.

Because the boys were already established patients, we had been with him since 2004, Dr. would keep us on under medical. He doesn't accept NEW patients with medical. Whew! When I asked about Peyton, the nurse said I would have to discuss that with him when the boys saw him. Yesterday I took the boys in. I was already coming off of a bad night, a REALLY bad one, so my emotions were ON the surface. I had to make sure all the boy's info was still correct. UGH! Of course it wasn't. Insurance changed, Mama's relationship status changed, I had to mark deceased next to Dad's info...I was a MESS. The woman asked me, "You aren't the one who lost her camera at Red Robin, are you?" I was taken aback and said I was. "I heard them talking about it on the radio. I told her the story. Finally she asked me, "Could you sign and date here to verify the changes?" I began bawling. There was Mike's signature and I hadn't seen it in almost 9 months.

While Dr. Bell examined Cameron we talked about faith, what God has planned, etc. He told me that because the boys are already part of the Bell family, Peyton is too, and he would love to see her. I was relieved. When I was setting up the next appointment for the boys, they told me they could see Peyton today. Done.

We got up this morning and did it all over again. This time I filled out new paperwork for Peyton, which didn't seem as bad as scratching out my old life yesterday. I also wasn't a blubbering basket case today.

I was a little perturbed about not having a camera to commemorate Peyton's first dentist visit, like I have with the boys. My iPhone had to do the job for me. GRRRRR!

Peyton played Star Wars while the hygienist cleaned her teeth. She did such a wonderful job. I had been concerned about some spots on her teeth, and fortunately, NO CAVITIES! They were iron stains from her kid's vitamin. (Dylan is the only one who has ever had a cavity, it was the beginning of one, so I am very blessed.)

As Dr. Bell went to his next patient, he said, "Don't forget what I told you yesterday Tiffany." The hygienist looked at me. Cameron looked at me. I told him I wouldn't. Before we left yesterday, Dr. Bell pulled me aside and told me, "If you need anything, please call my office and leave a message with one of my girls. You are part of our family and we're going to help take care of you."

Have I mentioned lately how abundantly blessed I am?

Fall Into Reading 2011

My favorite season...Fall. One of my favorite parts of the season? Katrina's Fall Into Reading.

I am at a loss, literally, as I haven't read as much as I would have liked to this year. In the wake of my husband's untimely death, I have immersed myself in a lot of television watching, and computer nonsense. I have compiled a list of books I'd like to read, even bought a few on my nook...alas, no reading.

If I get the following books read this season, I'll be happy.

True Believer by Nicholas Sparks (need to finish)
At First Sight by Nicholas Sparks (sequel to True Believer)
The Best of Me by Nicholas Sparks (comes out in October)
Heaven is for Real by Todd Burpo
Afterlife by Claudia Gray (sitting in my nook since released in March, purchased it last year after reading the Evernight Series)
A Stolen Life by Jaycee Dugard
The Help by Kathryn Stockett
Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan

Pity Party

I am TRULY disgusted with myself. After TLBS yesterday I took Peyton out of lunch at Red Robin. When I went to pay the bill, I took my camera, my glasses, and my camera out of my purse to get to my wallet. I put everything back BUT my camera. I had taken SUPER cute pics of Peyton at church, including her in a Zebra costume in the class, which she kept on telling the teachers, "I want Mommy to take a picture and put it on facebook."

I called Red Robin immediately after realizing I didn't have my camera. I explained to her that my husband died in January and THE last pictures of him are on the memory card (not to mention the ENTIRE 2011 year worth of pics that I have not downloaded). The manager on duty had nothing, took my name and number and told me to call back in the evening to speak to the manager.

I was sick to my stomach. After we dropped Cameron off to Tribes, the littles and I headed over to Red Robin. I was borderline hysterical. Nothing. The manager made sure she had my name and number assuring she would call me.

I picked Cameron up, we got home, the kids went to bed and I proceeded to throw myself the biggest, best pity party I have ever thrown myself. I. Deserved. It.

I am tired of holding it together all the time. I am tired of being strong. I have done it since January 10, 2011. I have been responsible and not allowed myself to be a mess. NOT ONCE!

I woke up this morning miserable. I have a migraine, my body aches, and my stomach hasn't decided if it wants to blow yet.

I realize that I can't do anything about my lost camera but pray that somebody somewhere looks at the pics, rather than just formatting the card, sees the pics of Mike, his urn, his children, wife, realizes it means an awful lot to me, and returns it.

Glasses

Peyton has come a long way since her "Gwasses" days. I got the call yesterday that Peyton's new glasses were in, so we took the boys to school this morning and headed down to Rancho Cucamonga to pick them up. Dwight, the owner of Children's Eyewear Sight, is phenomenal with the kids. He showed Peyton how to properly put on and take off her new glasses. He went over the 3 places where she can't set her glasses down, and completely took his time going over everything with her.



Her glasses are Disney Princess glasses, Belle, and her glasses case is a Disney Princess purse. Perfect for Peyton, right?

I paid extra for the transitional lenses. The ophthalmologist had explained that Peyton, likely, wore her sunglasses the way she did because her eyes are sensitive. She wanted to see them turn into sunglasses, so Dwight grabbed his mirror and outside we went. As soon as Peyton stepped out of the office, she turned her face toward the sky and said, "Daddy, do you see how pretty I am with my new glasses?" Of course the tears streamed down my face and poor Dwight was dumbstruck. I explained about Mike and then he was trying to dry his eyes as well. Out of the mouths of babes, I tell ya.

Once we were done, we headed over to Victoria Gardens to walk around and test out her new glasses. I treated her to the lunch special at The Cheesecake Factory and then headed over to Ontario Mills to window shop and then back to Apple Valley to pick the boys up.


Peyton has done a wonderful job wearing them today and I'm so proud of her. The lenses are SO thick and they magnify her eyes, which totally sucks. I pray that these glasses correct her crazy right eye, and help her vision.