Mandelyn's Obituary

I am posting Mandelyn's obituary because I realize some of you haven't visted the page her mom has put up. If you get a chance, please do so, otherwise you are missing out on what an amazing little girl she is. Her obituary follows:

Mandelyn Belle Babcock, 2, passed away on June 4, 2006, due to major head injuries sustained in a car accident that occurred on Friday morning. Doctors and nurses at Loma Linda Hospital lovingly cared for her, but it was obvious from early on that Mande had already gone to be with God. She hung on for a few days to say good-bye to the hundreds who visited the hospital.

Mande struggled her way into this life on July 2, 2003, but did not struggle a bit to steal her way into the hearts of all around her. There were no reservations in the life of this beautiful little girl. There was no limit to the love that she gave. Mande had a clear vision of her mission in life, which was to infuse happiness into the lives of all around her. She left no one untouched or unchanged. In the words of many, "she is a 2-year-old inspiration." She was vivacious, energenic and enthusiastic. Mande was passionate about everything she experienced, whether it be playing naked in a mud puddle, devouring endless amounts of fruit, showing off her best "cheese" for her "mommia's" camera, taking never-ending baths with Gaga in her giant tub, doing homework with Papa or showing Grandpa all around the town, and then some. She has left a legacy for us all about how to truly live life. She had a wit and insight unknown to any 2-year-old and made more friends than seems possible in her short life.

She is a strong spirit, who lived every minute of life to its fullest, and will continue to live on in the hearts of so many, until we meet again. We love you, Babes.

Ring Around the Rosie...

So, Friday night. The kids and I went out for the evening while Mike was selling tickets at the football game. First, we went to Grandma's. Around the time we were leaving, she asked Cameron if he ever plays ring around the rosie with Dylan. He put his head down. At first I didn't know what the problem was, then, as if I had been hit in the stomach, it dawned on me. Cameron said softly, "No. I played that with Mandelyn." Instantly I was crying. A flood of memories hit me all at once and I composed myself, as this was not the time or place for Cameron and I to do this. Off to my best friends house we go. I tell her what happened and I'm crying. She has been a rock for me this entire time! If I just want to talk about anything Mandelyn, she ALWAYS listens. So, time to come home now. We get in the van and pull out onto the street and I hear sniffles. I didn't respond at first, then I asked, "Cameron, what's the matter?" Of course, I didn't need to ask, but wanted him to know I was there to talk. He said, "I miss Mandelyn." That's all he said and proceeded to cry himself to sleep in the car. I can see the three of them, Cameron, Mandelyn, and Dylan playing ring around the rosie in my head. I can hear Mandelyn saying, "Baby Handsome fall down." I can see and hear it as if it was happening, although, it never will. I barely made it through Halloween. I have no idea how I'm going to handle Christmas. Even as I type that, who the hell am I to whine about Christmas? How the hell will Sara handle it? How is she handling any of this? By the grace of God, I tell you. In the beginning...oh my God, 5 months ago, it's been 5 months! In the beginning, I swear to you, I saw the Holy Spirit at work through Sara. She was lifted up and handled the most difficult time in her life with such courage and grace. I was, and still am, in complete and utter awe of it. I love and miss Mandelyn more than I could ever express to you through this. I love and miss her mom just as much. I miss Mandelyn following Cameron around. I miss her trying to get her hands on Dylan. I'm just ... emotionally beat. Goodnight.

Here I Am

I went shopping today. I get into the store, my mind on groceries, list in hand, and I swear to you, not 5 minutes later, in the bread aisle, I almost fell to my knees. A song started...a song I've come to know too well. A song that reminds me of a beautiful little girl, gone to soon, looking down on her family and scratching her head, saying, "What's happened to them? They aren't a family anymore without me." That is a partial truth. This song was played at Mandelyn's memorial. Her uncle Cody made a BEAUTIFUL montage, about 30 minutes, who knows how many pictures, and some well chosen songs. For my best friend, when she hears You'll Be In My Heart by Phil Collins (Disney's Tarzan), she can't handle it. Me, I have a CD with ALL the songs from the montage. However, about 6 or 7 weeks ago, Cameron asked me not to play it anymore with him in the car, "Momma, it makes me sad and cry and miss Mandelyn even more." So, not having heard this particular song in quite sometime, there I am, in the bread aisle, almost coming undone. The song is titled Here I Am by Bryan Adams (from the movie Spirit). Mandelyn, I love you. I miss you every day. I pray you are watching over us, guiding us, protecting us, being our guardian angel. I pray you aren't disappointed. I pray you wrap your arms around some who need your love right now. I pray you sleep with Cameron soon. I pray you call out to "Baby Handsome" and I pray you take extra loving care of the one who misses you most.

Here the song, and see the video, here.

I want a do over...

Mandelyn has been gone 4 months now. I have not heard her giggle, or say Cameron's name or call out to "Baby Handsome" in 4 months. I realize she wasn't here for the summer. She didnt' get to play at the water park, we didn't get to go to the outside movies at Victoria Gardens, we didn't even get to play sidewalk chalk or eat ice cream this summer. As fall is upon us, we won't be going to the pumpkin patch together, or even stopping by to take pictures of the kids in their costumes on Halloween (WHICH WILL DEVESTATE ME TO NO END). Furthermore, I have no little girl to buy for this Christmas. And, wouldn't you know it, this year, I have TONS & TONS of ideas for her. There will be no picture of Cameron and Mande infront of my tree this year. And Christmas Eve will be less one beautiful, energenic, vibrant, little girl. Today I find myself back to where I was 4 months ago. I WANT A DO OVER!!! I want to hug her again. I want to hear her giggle. I WANT TO SEE HER PLAYING WITH CAMERON!!! I want that so badly. I want her to see what Dylan is doing now. They could have danced together, or sang as Boots and Dora, "We did it!" or heard him say "Backpack" today. I WANT A DO OVER!!! I just want a do over...

My Most Beautiful, Wonderful, Glorious Dream

I had the most beautiful dream this morning. It would have been more realistic if Mandelyn had been diagnosed with some disease, rather than just ripped from us in an instant. Sara and Mandelyn, along with family and friends, were on a cruise ship … why a cruise ship? I don't know, but maybe because of size. Anyhow, we all traded Mande off, each spending quality time with her, essentially saying our goodbyes. Beautiful sentiment, don't you think? If only that could have been. For my family, it almost was. We had a fluke meeting at Target the night before the accident. Mandelyn spent her last night on earth with us and for that, I'm eternally grateful. For those who know Mande's story, you know SHE was the one saying goodbye, and had been doing so leading up to the accident. We, however, said our goodbye's while she laid in a hospital bed on life support. My dream was peaceful, she was running around, hollering Cameron's name, saying, "Baby Handsome" and just being Mande. When I awoke from this magnificent dream, I expected to be down, but it was opposite. It was as if I (WE) just spend the night with her and actually felt REALLY good this morning. Cameron has seen her, but he believes he's dreaming. I have told Sara repeatedly that I want Cameron to tell me when he's 18 that Mandelyn came and slept with him. Or, when he has his firstborn (if it's a girl she will more than likely carry the name Mandelyn or Belle in some form or fashion) that she came to visit him and high-five him or something. Sara believes, and as do I, that these two will grow up together. And here is where the water works come. I can talk about Mandelyn ALL day, EVERY day, and only tear up, but when I talk about these two, I crumble to pieces. I just want her to be there for Cameron. I want him to know that he can ALWAYS go to her. I want to have more dreams like last night too. The kids were older, not terribly older, but where Dylan was cracking Mandelyn up with his newfound dancing and talking. You see, Cameron would crack Mandelyn up when she was a baby, and now Dylan is at the age where Mandelyn and he could have really started to get along. That is bittersweet, you know? Okay, enough rambling. I really only intended to talk about my dream, which has kept a smile on my face all morning.

Mandelyn's Marker Dedication

We visited Sunset Hills today for Mandelyn's marker dedication. At first, I must admit, I wasn't thrilled that we were doing this on Cameron's birthday. He's already missing her so badly and continually talking about her not being here for his birthday. He had a song he wanted to sing, but got up this morning and said he really didn't feel like it. I thought, "OH NO! Here is comes. He's not going to do this today." Mind you, this kid has been PATIENTLY waiting for his cousin's marker to come in. When the time came to go, he ran out the door, which of course relieved me. On the way there, he said, "Mama, I get to spend my birthday with Mandelyn!" He was then excited. I sighed a great sigh of relief. We blew bubbles and Mandelyn's Uncle Cody played his new acoustic guitar. I videotaped it and took some pictures of everyone for Sara to have and to send to her dad, who lives in Washington and couldn't make it. All in all, a wonderfully spent time, visiting, and taking in everything Mandelyn. I miss her so much and tomorrow is going to be so hard. We're having Cameron's 7th birthday at Chuck E. Cheese. Cameron isn't worried though, "She'll be at Chuck E. Cheese with us tomorrow." However, even as upbeat as he is, he is continually asking questions about cremeation (Mandelyn was cremated) and her marker and if she's under it. Let's face it, he is ONLY 7. Already at 7, so much he has had to endure. Mainly the loss of his beautiful cousin, who thought the sun and moon rose and set on him. Oh, how I pray for his little heart to heal.

Just 3 months...seems like a year

My niece has been gone only 3 months. She was taken off life support near midnight on June 4th, but she hadn't been with us the previous 2 days, so it was expected. I had a rough couple of days. I just want to see her. I want to hear her voice. I wish I could feel that knock-me-over hug she gave me the night before the accident. I wish...a million different things. I wish her mom comfort. I wish Cameron could understand that we can't replace her. I wish Dylan would remember how in love she was with him. I wish Mike could go back to that night and do things differently. I wish...does no good. That is why it is a wish. I pray. I pray for the comfort her mom needs. I pray Cameron realizes what a blessing 35 months was. I pray she always visits Dylan. I pray Mike comes to terms with the circumstances surrounding those 3 days. Three days...wow! I can ALMOST tell you every detail about those 3 days. For the longest time, I didn't recall what she looked like all hooked up in that bed. Unfortunately, I now can. I kissed her. I held her hand. I told her I loved her. Could she hear me? Did I tell her enough that I loved her while she was alive? We went to Mojave Narrows new water park today. Mandelyn waited for that to be open for so long. It opened after she was gone. We had her 3rd birthday party, without her, there. It only seemed appropriate to be there today. I just pray she was with us.